Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He felt like a one man threesome
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
