apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
