Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
