I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
