Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
