my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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