i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
