My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
false alarm. still invincible.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize