You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
