one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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