I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
