U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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