I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
