we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
