My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
