We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
