who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
