im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
