I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
ttyl tear gas
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
