The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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