Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
