Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
we should paint friendship bongs
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