also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
