Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
