you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
