dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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