Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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