have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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