Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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