oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
