Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
