That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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