Bisexual people are plain selfish.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
