Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
