I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
