You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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