Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
