Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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