Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize