So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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