some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
