the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
