As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize