dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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