I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
