i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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