fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
