Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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