Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
