nut hugger
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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