32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just tell him i said nine months
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
