he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
