6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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