I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Randomize
