my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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