i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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