I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
