I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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