I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My dick has a subreddit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
