I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
