My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
