On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
