Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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