My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
