haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
