I heard we made out
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize