There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
