A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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