Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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