I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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