my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
