I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
