This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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