Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize