Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
