I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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