She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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