she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
