Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My life is pants optional.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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