tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
