I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
