I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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