Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
