you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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