Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
