i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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