Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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