Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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