She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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